Yesterday I had a nice mini-breakdown. Not sure exactly what was the catalyst. All I know is....
I often have feelings of inadequacy.
I wish I could just duke it out with my depression. Seriously. And it such a Catch 22.... do I sit on the generational curse of Black people not trusting doctors? and just "pray" everything away? Or do I take the medicine and call it a day? I mean really.
Im not even sure I should be having these conversations. Cuz... call it what you want. A chemical imbalance, defeatist attitude, a demon, the Devil, or just being too damn emotional. Point is, I have a problem which is definitely causing me problems when it comes to functioning in my every day.
damn....... I didnt ask for this.
My mother would say different. She believes that the God in us chose our paths waaaay before we existed, so in a sense, we DID choose to endure our sufferings. Well....can I change my mind? yeesh.
I mean....im surely not a fan of crying my eyes out all hours of the night. Im not a fan of crying. Period. Or needing. Im not used to needing....people. Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to stand on my own, if possible.
One of these days....im telling you. Me and Depression...we're boxing. Just not anytime soon unfortunately.
Oh well.... theres always the smell of African Violets to get me through
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