The Muslim or the Christian?

He doesnt smoke. He's not a drinker. Sex is sacred. God is the forerunner in his life. Family is important. Women deserve to be cherished. And he's a Christian/Muslim.
Wait.....what?
yeah. Somehow I have met two wonderful guys. Very similar. One is Christian. One is Muslim.
Im a liberal Christian.
Sounds so easy to just pluck the obvious choice, eh?
But.... the Muslim? he's been a point of adoration for a year or two. I just met the Christian today. And he's awesome already.
Liking a Muslim has been a major point of controversy in my life for the past year. I have tried to avoid it. I have rationalized it. I have sought the opinion of my mother and grandmother. Outwardly, we would seem rather mismatched. I guess. But honestly, i dont think we are. It's an odd situation. But i adore him. I think he is the bees knees.
Where does religion get off telling me who I can or cannot love?
I can just see the old church ladies clucking their tongues at me.
But...
when I met the Christian today....
I was enchanted. I honestly wasnt even thinking about the Muslim. It was like....Islam who?
But im not judging these people by their religions. Im just not using names.
Maybe God just sent me somebody pleasant and I shouldnt be sitting here feeling guilty for liking him. The Christian, im referring to. I mean, I think I was nervous that my liking him was settling for someone LIKE the Muslim, without the hassle of the hardship of different faiths.
But...maybe I just like him. Eh?


note to self.... stop sabotaging.

ah well.... atleast I have my African Violets

Back down memory lane

Somethings never change.

this dude from like.....freshman year....is definitely here. And i dont know how to feel. Not bad, mind you.. I just really havent seen him in like......three years.

He used to date my "dorm sister." And as i sat curled on his arm in the movie theater (seeing Saw V at midnight, mind you) I wondered if she even knew he was back. Or if she would have wanted to know....jesus.

Its just been a week of flashbacks. I saw an old footballer....who i definitely would dub as a stalker. I doubt he saw me. But oh oh......did i ever find out later that he was dating my friend's lil sister the same time he was TRYING to get at me.

Then....theres the supersenior.....the man who should have graduated last May. He confuses me. I mean, we had a chance with each other, and he screwed it up. So why is he all, huggly and such (disclaimer; the author is well aware that "huggly" is not a valid word).

This is the point.....menfolk should not pursue old flames after said flames have moved on. its only annoying....never refreshing.

I really wish I could have an honest conversation with some of these "repeat offenders."

I think the most common question would be... "why didnt you love me enough?"

oh well...atleast i always have my african violets

Depression is a bitch worth slapping

Yesterday I had a nice mini-breakdown. Not sure exactly what was the catalyst. All I know is....

I often have feelings of inadequacy.

I wish I could just duke it out with my depression. Seriously. And it such a Catch 22.... do I sit on the generational curse of Black people not trusting doctors? and just "pray" everything away? Or do I take the medicine and call it a day? I mean really.

Im not even sure I should be having these conversations. Cuz... call it what you want. A chemical imbalance, defeatist attitude, a demon, the Devil, or just being too damn emotional. Point is, I have a problem which is definitely causing me problems when it comes to functioning in my every day.

damn....... I didnt ask for this.

My mother would say different. She believes that the God in us chose our paths waaaay before we existed, so in a sense, we DID choose to endure our sufferings. Well....can I change my mind? yeesh.

I mean....im surely not a fan of crying my eyes out all hours of the night. Im not a fan of crying. Period. Or needing. Im not used to needing....people. Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to stand on my own, if possible.

One of these days....im telling you. Me and Depression...we're boxing. Just not anytime soon unfortunately.

Oh well.... theres always the smell of African Violets to get me through

Love Always??

What is the line between love and obsession? Someone asked me this the other day, and I honestly had no real answer. I know a young lady who feels herself to be in love with someone who doesn't even like her. Sadly enough...this young lady is me. And I adore him. He is a wonderful person who feeds my mind and my eyes.....and we are just friends. Its a hard thing to let go of the idea of someone like him. This may sound like a simple problem... but there are some factors to keep in mind. Im a black, educated woman in college with substantial spirituality. And settling is not an option. In this world of the diverse and adverse, I find myself strongly attracted to my Black brothers. But where are they? Many are lingering behind socially, educationally, and definitely spiritually. The dating pool becomes a puddle as senior year of college lingers nearby.
So where do I go for love? Excuse me if im just not a down, homegirl who can settle for "Pookie" down the street, whose life amibitions are to make it through the workweek. Don't get me wrong, he serves his purpose, but my intellectual accomplishments deserve, I'd say, someone with more intellectual ambitions. I dont want Martin Luther King Jr, per se, because im cetainly not Coretta, but it would be nice to meet someone I can hold a conversation with on something other than sex. And pointless conversations about Obama days before the election do not count.
Snobby? Bourgeois? Uppity? I think not.
but what happened to having....standards?