Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three...Two...One
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
I had reached my twenty fourth birthday. I had completed twenty four years of living, and was memorializing it with a personal holiday. Midnight found me on the phone with my boyfriend chatting away about how much we missed each other ( a twinge of long-distance relationship irritation). Friends and family called, sent texts, and exausted my Facebook wall. My birthday had begun.
That morning, I watched the sunrise, and reflected on the past year of my life. the twenty-fourth year, where I am actually referred to as twenty-three the whole time. (weird, right?)
I realized something about that age.
Twenty three was the age of WTF. It was a blossoming tulip of a year for my career. But this isnt a career-blog.
My love life was a screwy mixtape of bad Lil Wayne songs, and dogs barking, for the whole year.
TWENTY THREE IN REVERSE...
Most recently, there was the Virgo. Im not picking on Virgos, he just happens to be the only one in this story, so its a good qualifier without telling you his name. This dude... I swear I could have lived without the romantic rendesvous. Our entire... whatever the heck it was, was something between being lead on, and being in limbo. Dont forget the emotional withdrawal. We actually met the year previous and became moderate friends. Our friendship matured with my collegiate graduation and relocation back to my hometown. I had been home for several months, and he had been home since October. I was miserable being at home. So was he. I think this may have been a spark for both of us. It was a rocky time in both of our lives, and we understood each other in that way. We hated our jobs, we lived at home, we were artists, not pursuing our art.... getting the picture?
*I think this is a fluff way of saying we listened to each other complain, lol!*
We carried on in this mildly flirtatious, but mostly platonic way until that winter, when he revealed to me that his feelings were slightly more than plutonic. And everything slowed down like one of those scenes in the original Matrix movie. If it werent for the fact that I was already dating someone that winter (we'll get to that) it might've been worth the conversation. But the conversation had to wait. We toyed with our emotions for several more months, pretending not to care, irritating each other, teasing each other, talking around the issue until April 1st. Yep... April fool's day...
The fool kissed me. In the mouth. And all of what had been a "serious" joke was now just serious.
Then everything fell into limbo somewhere between "friends with benefits" (minus a few key benefits) and "casual dating". It was confusing and mildly exciting, and exhausting. The man either didnt know how he felt about something, or he didnt care to share. After things got a teensy bit too physical, we just sort of fell off. Everything. Of course, I doubt he would ever admit it. But we did. And whatever feelings he had for me semed to dissipate into the thin air they came from. I think, looking back, they were born from curiosity more than anything. We became distant,as Virgos are known to do when they are through (yep, I'm a Virgo too). Romantically, we were quite through. Our friendship only hung on by a few more threads of chance, and until recently, was nearly braindead.
What was the lesson here?
Ha! Too many to count. But I will touch on a few matters.
*First of all.. MEN ARE STUPID... hahah. No, this isnt it really... I mean to say OWN YOUR EMOTIONS.. I tell my girls this all the time. Alot of this stupid moment in my life ocurrd because I did not assume control of how I felt, or what I would put up with. I conceded alot of how things would go, to my Virgo friend... and that is absolutely a problem. I looked to him to tell me how he felt, and act accordingly, instead of owning how I felt, and risking his not reciprocating.
*IF A MAN WANTS YOU, HE WILL LET YOU KNOW.. Too many of us are guilty of living on "maybe's." STOP LIVING ON MAYBE!!! Men are not stupid, contrary to my previous statement. They are well adept at saying "I want you." They are less adept at saying "I dont want you," if they are concerned about hurting your feelings. I lived in this world with the Virgo where he never seemed too certain of his feelings for me. Truth is, he probably just didnt have the feelings he knew i would have wanted him to have, and so, he tiptoed around the truth. And so did I.
*BE CAREFUL OF WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOU MEET HIM (or her).. I had no way of knowing that my personal evolution was on its way. When I began to seriously spend time with the Virgo, I was in a place o uncertainty. But the Creator was well on the way wth blessings and enlightenment. Well, things started to go really well for me, but for the Virgo, life was moving at a different pace, and I dont think he was really resolved in his happiness. All of a sudden, his usually funny, dry remarks were just dry. Sarcasm was abound, and I found myself wondering "why do you always have to be such a Debbie Downer?" Well, ladies and gents. It wasnt him. It was me. I was a Debbie Downer too, when we started. But as I advanced in temperment, he did not. And suddenly, we were in different places. If you meet someone, when you are in the low places of your life, and they are just as low, you two must be able to rise together, or else you wont fit together. If he cannot, or does not rise when you do, you have to learn to continue to go upward, and painfully, let him sink. Yes, I said painfully. That's what it will be like when you realize that you risk your own newfound glee if you continue to sink to his level. Birds of a feather....
Thats enough for today.
Next time I will tell you about the Duke. He was a real trip.
Ciao.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
I had reached my twenty fourth birthday. I had completed twenty four years of living, and was memorializing it with a personal holiday. Midnight found me on the phone with my boyfriend chatting away about how much we missed each other ( a twinge of long-distance relationship irritation). Friends and family called, sent texts, and exausted my Facebook wall. My birthday had begun.
That morning, I watched the sunrise, and reflected on the past year of my life. the twenty-fourth year, where I am actually referred to as twenty-three the whole time. (weird, right?)
I realized something about that age.
Twenty three was the age of WTF. It was a blossoming tulip of a year for my career. But this isnt a career-blog.
My love life was a screwy mixtape of bad Lil Wayne songs, and dogs barking, for the whole year.
TWENTY THREE IN REVERSE...
Most recently, there was the Virgo. Im not picking on Virgos, he just happens to be the only one in this story, so its a good qualifier without telling you his name. This dude... I swear I could have lived without the romantic rendesvous. Our entire... whatever the heck it was, was something between being lead on, and being in limbo. Dont forget the emotional withdrawal. We actually met the year previous and became moderate friends. Our friendship matured with my collegiate graduation and relocation back to my hometown. I had been home for several months, and he had been home since October. I was miserable being at home. So was he. I think this may have been a spark for both of us. It was a rocky time in both of our lives, and we understood each other in that way. We hated our jobs, we lived at home, we were artists, not pursuing our art.... getting the picture?
*I think this is a fluff way of saying we listened to each other complain, lol!*
We carried on in this mildly flirtatious, but mostly platonic way until that winter, when he revealed to me that his feelings were slightly more than plutonic. And everything slowed down like one of those scenes in the original Matrix movie. If it werent for the fact that I was already dating someone that winter (we'll get to that) it might've been worth the conversation. But the conversation had to wait. We toyed with our emotions for several more months, pretending not to care, irritating each other, teasing each other, talking around the issue until April 1st. Yep... April fool's day...
The fool kissed me. In the mouth. And all of what had been a "serious" joke was now just serious.
Then everything fell into limbo somewhere between "friends with benefits" (minus a few key benefits) and "casual dating". It was confusing and mildly exciting, and exhausting. The man either didnt know how he felt about something, or he didnt care to share. After things got a teensy bit too physical, we just sort of fell off. Everything. Of course, I doubt he would ever admit it. But we did. And whatever feelings he had for me semed to dissipate into the thin air they came from. I think, looking back, they were born from curiosity more than anything. We became distant,as Virgos are known to do when they are through (yep, I'm a Virgo too). Romantically, we were quite through. Our friendship only hung on by a few more threads of chance, and until recently, was nearly braindead.
What was the lesson here?
Ha! Too many to count. But I will touch on a few matters.
*First of all.. MEN ARE STUPID... hahah. No, this isnt it really... I mean to say OWN YOUR EMOTIONS.. I tell my girls this all the time. Alot of this stupid moment in my life ocurrd because I did not assume control of how I felt, or what I would put up with. I conceded alot of how things would go, to my Virgo friend... and that is absolutely a problem. I looked to him to tell me how he felt, and act accordingly, instead of owning how I felt, and risking his not reciprocating.
*IF A MAN WANTS YOU, HE WILL LET YOU KNOW.. Too many of us are guilty of living on "maybe's." STOP LIVING ON MAYBE!!! Men are not stupid, contrary to my previous statement. They are well adept at saying "I want you." They are less adept at saying "I dont want you," if they are concerned about hurting your feelings. I lived in this world with the Virgo where he never seemed too certain of his feelings for me. Truth is, he probably just didnt have the feelings he knew i would have wanted him to have, and so, he tiptoed around the truth. And so did I.
*BE CAREFUL OF WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOU MEET HIM (or her).. I had no way of knowing that my personal evolution was on its way. When I began to seriously spend time with the Virgo, I was in a place o uncertainty. But the Creator was well on the way wth blessings and enlightenment. Well, things started to go really well for me, but for the Virgo, life was moving at a different pace, and I dont think he was really resolved in his happiness. All of a sudden, his usually funny, dry remarks were just dry. Sarcasm was abound, and I found myself wondering "why do you always have to be such a Debbie Downer?" Well, ladies and gents. It wasnt him. It was me. I was a Debbie Downer too, when we started. But as I advanced in temperment, he did not. And suddenly, we were in different places. If you meet someone, when you are in the low places of your life, and they are just as low, you two must be able to rise together, or else you wont fit together. If he cannot, or does not rise when you do, you have to learn to continue to go upward, and painfully, let him sink. Yes, I said painfully. That's what it will be like when you realize that you risk your own newfound glee if you continue to sink to his level. Birds of a feather....
Thats enough for today.
Next time I will tell you about the Duke. He was a real trip.
Ciao.
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