Cap N Gown

I picked up my cap n gown yesterday.

EX-HIL-I-RA-TING.

It was a weird experience to be looking down at the clothing of my future. A robe and a hat. Nothing more than simple fabric stitched in a particular pattern, but it meant the world to me.

These two items represented the completion of a major chapter in my life, and a major cycle in my family.

After recieving the clothing, I ran upstairs to my dorm room, and did a "happy dance." Those of you unfamiliar with my happy dance can just imagine a very ackward version of Michelle Tanner's wiggle dance as a child on the tv show Full House.

However, even with all the theatrics, it still hasnt hit me yet. I am a GRADUATING Senior.

And the question remains.... What next?
Somewhere along the way I realized that I dont really want to go to Grad School. Atleast not immediately. My only reason for going now would be to avoid the workforce even longer. Yikes....

Besides that, I think it's been an obligatory endeavor. My mom went to law school, and my grandmother wants a PhD. eventually.

Wouldn't I be some sort of black sheep to "cut out early" on the education track?
It's hard to decidedly disappoint people.

But I realize that my path to college was set for me a long time ago by my mother. Before I could speak properly, or read, for that matter. And when I arrived here, I continued to let other people live my life for me. I was here because I HAD to be. It was no driving passion of my own to be in college. It was just what I was supposed to do- no different than highschool. Not taking the reins on my education caused me alot of stress. And the things I DID want to do- took precedence over classwork. But even with no real effort, I was a smart cookie; enough not to totally sink.

I think that last year was the first year that I totally, and fully tried to make school work. I learned to take not only school, but my life, by the reins and carve out some image of what I really wanted from this ride.

Now, in my fifth and final year, I am perfecting the art of "taking the reins." I am beginning to really ask my Self the questions "What do I want for me." for a LONG time the question has been about what is "expected of me" or "How will this person feel if i do such and such." No more of that. When it's all said and done, Besides God, no one else can make anything really happen for me but me.

So, this cap n gown of mine- they mean alot. Yes, they mean a breaking of a long, dark cycle in my family. but they also mean freedom- freedom to totally be myself and do whatever I want to do in this world- freedom to become who I am supposed to be. The rush is over. I'm on my own time now. I have graduated from social servitude on the part of my life decisions. And I am an alumni of the institution of "Other's Expectations."